Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
