Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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