So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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