meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
