it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
