yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
