Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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