i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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