K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
is it fun? or sober?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
