My friends, they love my intelligence
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
