It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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