I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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