meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
