I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
