i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just gargled with NyQuil
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
