I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
