Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
