11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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