How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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