i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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