i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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