Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
