the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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