Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
