i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
