I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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