I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
