I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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