How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
