You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
