He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
