my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
