Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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