dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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