Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
