sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
