remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
