I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
