I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
