Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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