i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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