I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
