Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think i have two assholes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
