I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
