so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
