I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
