it hurts more in the daytime
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You pole danced in your parka.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
