we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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