in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
how does that bad decision feel?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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