Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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