I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
