Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
