Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
