So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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