Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
