I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
