So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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