I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
